


this is meant to disturb you

by everythingspiteful



Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: DISTURBATION, Gen, Honestly Charles What Are You Thinking, Michelle is crushing on Peter hARD, There's A Tag For That, They enjoy the pain of others, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Weird Plot Shit, Why Did I Write This?, decathlon team is mentally deranged, fml a thousand times over, petermj is my new otp, seriously though they're all slightly crazy, specifically Peter's pain, the teacher is gr8888, there's a tag for that too, why all the Spider-Man hate srsly guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-10 23:17:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11701923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everythingspiteful/pseuds/everythingspiteful
Summary: When Peter walked into the gym for decathlon practice with Ned by his side, only to see Abe and Cindy arguing the properties of the universe, Charles ranting on about how Bon Jovi was turning into Miley Cyrus, Flash and Michelle hitting each other with protesting signs, and the teacher playing on his phone, he knew it was going to be a long day.ORThe decathlon team is a special one, where they all bond over a mutual nerd love and because snacks are offered at practice.Oh. Also, they're all psychopaths who joke about the various ways society is doomed. Today's topic is Spider-Man.Poor Peter is gonna have an aneurism after this.





	this is meant to disturb you

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this while watching some guy on youtube pretend to take pictures of people 
> 
> what is my life
> 
> correction:
> 
> what is life, period

When Peter walked into the gym for decathlon practice with Ned by his side, only to see Abe and Cindy arguing the properties of the universe, Charles ranting on about how Bon Jovi was turning into Miley Cyrus, Flash and Michelle hitting each other with protesting signs, and the teacher playing on his phone, he knew it was going to be a long day.

Ned's mouth was agape as he took everything in. "What the _hell_ ," he whispered.

Peter could do nothing but nod.

It was at that moment that Flash noticed them. While Michelle was hitting him with a GAYS ARE YAYS poster, he yelled cheerfully, "Penis Parker is here!"

_Kill me._

All heads snapped up at that. Though Charles was still gesturing widely at the many ( _many_ ) naked Bon Jovi photos on his phone, he ceased his ranting long enough to greet the two teens at the door awkwardly.

"So we can finally get started," Michelle said with a bored voice, hitting Flash once more before walking up to the podium and saying, "To your places, losers."

"Don't swear around children," Mr Harrington said half-heartedly, then adding under his breath, "Not after what happened last time."

Peter decided not to question it.

They walked up to their places (Cindy and Abe still arguing quietly) and waited for Michelle to start the session with her questions. Instead, they spent about half a minute waiting as she flipped through every book in her bag (which was a lot).

"Um..." Ned started.

"The questions are also my bookmarks," Michelle answered. She blew a strand of hair out of her face, which Peter found attractive. Not that he would admit it. "Abe, you're smartish. Make up some questions."

Abe grinned.

_Oh no._

"Let's talk about good ole' Spidey," he said. "And how good ole' Spidey is probably _dead_."

Peter choked. _What_?

Charles rolled his eyes. " _Obviously_."

The rest of the team nodded (except Ned because Ned is nice and wouldn't hurt Peter like that). Wait, why was the _teacher_ nodding?

"What?" Peter managed to get out. "Just _what_?"

Flash grinned. "He's dead. It's a widely accepted truth. Probably a zombie."

"Why? What? _How_?"

Abe slammed his hand on the bell. "Because he's _radioactive_ , son," he called out.

Ned banged his head on the table. Mr Harrington continued to play on his phone. Michelle dropped a book and swore _very loudly_.

At that moment, "Mad Hatter" started to play. Peter looked incredulously at Cindy, who looked like she regretted nothing.

"Oh no, girl," Charles said, wagging his finger back and forth, "not happening."

_You think I'm psycho, you think I'm gone, tell the psychiatrist something is wrong..._

"Everyone here is insane!" Ned exclaimed.

"Loser!" Michelle retorted.

_All the best people are crazy._

" _Why_ ," Peter whimpered.

"No, but, like, how much do you think Spider-Man can take?" Flash mused.

"I think he might be able to survive a stop sign going through him," Charles said cheerfully, scrolling though his phone, "but that's about it."

"So much blood," Mr Harrington remarked, eyes glazed over.

"Found it!" Michelle shouted triumphantly, waving a few papers above her head.

"Finally," Ned muttered.

"First question." Michelle smirked as everyone bent over their bells, ready to slam their hands down. "How much would the average spider bleed after getting cut with a shard of glass?"

What the actual _fuck_.

Peter let his head fall on the bell.

"Yes, Pete?"

He flipped her the bird in response.

_Where is my prescription? Doctor, doctor, please listen... my brain is scattered..._

**Author's Note:**

> charles is my favorite
> 
> and i am now too scared to go to a bon jovi (wow autocorrect wanted me to write "hobo") concert yippee
> 
> oh btw mad hatter is by Melanie Martinez


End file.
